Humor

Pensive Avin

2006-09-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

http://pensiveavin.blogspot.com

NaDa

2006-03-19T10:33:00.000-08:00

NaDa™ is a totally a new concept. Its nothing, really. It is very light : 1 byte. It doesn't take long to fetch. It doesn't take long to understand. It doesn't disturb your habits nor does it makes you feel insecure. It is a reassuring piece of software that does nothing, and does it very well. That's a lot !

Most products we see on the market want to increase our productivity, organize our screen joyfully or make wonders with our sound card, but NaDa™ does nothing. This is a revolutionary whole new approach, a concept far beyond what you usually expect from the software industry. Download it and forget it.

here: http://www.bernardbelanger.com/computing/NaDa/

Avin Dev

Google Sets

2006-03-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

Google sets

Automatically create sets of items from a few examples.
Enter a few items from a set of things.
Next, press Large Set or Small Set and we'll try to predict other items in the set.

http://labs.google.com/sets

Avin Dev

Melanj '06

2006-03-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Melanj is the annual inter collegiate techno cultural festival of the AMC Engineering College, Bangalore.
The very word Melanj evokes celebration of science and technology; a confluence of minds and a melting pot of diverse disciplines. It affords the chance to unleash the engineer within us, providing glimpses of the elegance and scope of technology.
Melanj urges you to open up your horizons and think different.

Join Melanj Here

Avin Dev

2006-03-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

Avin Dev

Clumsy Crooks

2005-10-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Police Find Pot In 200-Pound Stolen Safe
A man who reported a safe stolen from his home a month ago
may now face charges after police found the safe - with almost a
pound of marijuana inside.

Hide Your Music... The MP3 Police Are Here!

Inmate Says He Killed Man To Get New Cell
Inmate told investigators he committed the crime because noise
levels in his general-population cell block were annoying him.

Man Tries To Rob FBI Coffee Shop
An attempt to grab money from a coffee shop's cash register
turned very bad for a man in Toledo, Ohio, who didn't realize he
was in the FBI building.

Parents Arrested For Hiding Pot In Diaper
The parents of a five-month old child face charges after the
mother allegedly tried to get marijuana to the father by
smuggling it into the Northern Regional Jail in the baby's diaper.

Man Stole Car To Get To Court To Face Car Theft Charges
Police arrested a man for stealing a car to drive to court where he
was due to face charges of stealing three other cars.

FUNNY NEW STORIES

2005-10-29T06:44:00.000-07:00

Car Phone

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned
that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
the report called the phone and told the guy that answered
that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy
the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Put Your Foot In Your Mouth

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the
midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.

One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in
jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little
casually today, aren't we?"

The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oil Change

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas,
after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of
marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car
which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
change the oil.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Smells Odd

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an
ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Penny Saved...

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I,
after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and
stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out
they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each,
and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that
police officers easily jumped him from behind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not Me!

The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that
a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said
he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into
a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for
breaking into the school.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Little Gas

A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged
flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Lottery

Californian Bill Helko was thrilled when he had the winning numbers
in the local lottery, the first prize being $412,000.

He straight away went and ordered a Porsche, booked a family holiday
in Hawaii and had a champagne dinner with his wife and friends at an
expensive Hollywood restaurant.

When he went to pick up the winnings he found that 9,097 others had
also won first prize and his share of the jackpot was $45.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks For Nothing

An ambulance was called to the aid of James Ritchie, thirty,
who was lying injured on a road outside Odell, Illinois. As it
arrived on the scene, the ambulance skidded on the snow-covered
roadway, then struck and killed Ritchie. UPI

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check It Out

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in
March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

The People on the Playing Cards

2005-10-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

It is a simple question, but one with two different answers. If we're speaking of English playing cards and their descendants (which would include American playing cards), the answer is "no one." This answer is the one most scholars would agree on, based on historical research. It is also the answer most people would be dissatisfied with, because most of us seem to have heard (or to think that we've heard) of a list of the people represented on the face cards, and just can't remember who's who. Isn't one of the kings Richard the Lion-Hearted? Isn't one of the Queens Cleopatra?

So then - now that we've tipped our hat to the scholars, let's get on with it. The traditional associations of persons with playing cards - the meanings of playing cards, if you will - are as follows:

Playing Card	Historical Personage
King of Hearts	Charlemagne
Queen of Hearts	Judith (of the Book of Judith, an Apocryphal Book of the Bible)
Jack of Hearts	"La Hire," a famous French warrior a.k.a. Etienne de Vignoles
King of Spades	King David
Queen of Spades	Pallas, a.k.a. Minerva
Jack of Spades	Hogier the Dane, one of Charlemagne's paladins
King of Diamonds	Julius Caesar
Queen of Diamonds	Rachel (of the Bible)
Jack of Diamonds	Hector of Troy alternately, Roland of France
King of Clubs	Alexander the Great
Queen of Clubs	Argine An anagram of Regina
Jack of Clubs	Lancelot

Hacking Las Vegas

2005-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

The Back-Spotter
The Back-Spotter can count cards without even being seated at the blackjack table. When the count gets hot — meaning the house is at a statistical disadvantage — this player will signal for the team’s bettors to swoop in.

The Spotter
The Spotter counts cards while playing at the table. Casinos screen for counters by watching for dramatic rises or drops in bets — a sure sign that a deck has gone hot or cold. A Spotter avoids detection by resolutely sticking to the minimum bet on each hand. When it’s time to start betting big to take advantage of a favorable deck, he tips off his teammates.

The Gorilla
The Gorilla doesn’t count at all: He just bets big, all the time. Typically, he adopts the pose of a drunken millionaire who has green to burn. The Spotters ensure the Gorilla’s “luck” by steering him to tables where he’s got greater than even odds of winning against the house.

The Big Player
The Big Player appears to be a type well known to the casinos: the high-rolling recreational gambler who’s content to slowly bleed his money away through hours of competent play. In reality, he’s a Spotter with a Gorilla’s bankroll. He’s not only counting cards, he’s tracking the shuffle for the high cards that rob the house of its advantage. A BP always plays a good deck, so he never has to lower his bets by much.

History Of Internet

2005-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

Many young people around the world use the internet every day, and yet they have no memory of the history that led to the creation of the global network. Many have no understanding of how or why the internet has developed. As part of out continuing efforts to combat ignorance around the world.

http://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net/jon/humor/internet_history/

Shit Happens

2005-10-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

TAOISM:  Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM:  Confucius say, "Shit happens".
ZEN:  (What is the sound of shit happening?)
JESUITISM:  If shit happens and when nobody
is watching, is it really shit?
ISLAM:  Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people.
CATHOLICISM:  Shit happens because you are bad.
PSYCHOANALYSIS:  Shit happens because of your
toilet training.
SCIENTOLOGY:  Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good
shit happens.
UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens.  Let's have coffee
and donuts.
RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM:  Let this shit happen
to someone else.
JUDAISM:  Why does shit always happen to US?
REFORM JUDAISM:  Got any Kaopectate?
MYSTICISM:  What weird shit!
AGNOSTICISM:  What is this shit?
ATHEISM:  I don't believe this shit!
NIHILISM:  Who needs this shit?
AZTEC:  Cut out this shit!
QUAKER:  Let's not fight over this shit.
FORTEANISM:  No shit??
12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
VOODOO:  Hey, that shit looks just like you!
NEWAGE:  Visualize shit not happening.
DEISM:  Shit just happens.
EXISTENTIALISM:  Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
SECULAR HUMANISM:  Shit evolves.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:  Shit is in your mind.
BUDDHISM:  Shit happens, but pay no mind.
SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
HINDUISM:  This shit has happened before.
WICCA:  Mix this shit together and make it happen!
HASIDISM:  Shit never happens the same way twice.
THEOSOPHY:  You don't know half of the shit that happens.
DIANETICS:  Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST:  No shit on Saturdays.
JEHOVAH's WITNESSES:  No shit happens until Armageddon.
MOONIES:  Only happy shit really happens.
HOPI:  Corn fertilizer happens.
BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.
STOICISM:  This shit is good for me.
OBJECTIVISM:  Our shit is good for you.
EST:  If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
REAGANISM:  Don't move; the shit will trickle down.
FASCISM:  Shit makes the trains run on time.
CARGO CULT:  A barge will come and take all the shit away.
EMACS:  Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
DISCORDIANISM:  Some funny shit happened to me today.
RASTAFARIANISM:  Let's smoke this shit.
CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money.

Men's Rules (that women should know)

2005-10-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping

Procrastinator's Creed

2005-10-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

VIRUSSSSSssssss

2005-10-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

Virus outbreak protection: Network-based detection
This article suggests an alternative approach to complement to existing virus outbreak protection methods - pre-emptive mass outbreak detection.Virus Bulletin, Features - Oren Drori - March 2005
Black Perl
Perl/Santy is, essentially, a small piece of Perl code that spreads to vulnerable web servers located using the Google search engine. Frédéric Perriot describes Santy's unusual replication strategy and explains why this worm exemplifies the need for the 'defence in depth' approach. Virus Bulletin, Virus analysis - Frédéric Perriot - March 2005
The new backdoors: IM and P2P networks
A security expert once told Dan Schrader that Yahoo! Instant Messenger was nothing more than a port scanner with an application attached - he laughed, but fears that the expert was in fact right.

Funny ATC Quotes

2005-10-18T11:39:00.000-07:00

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Most Popular Pickup Lines

2005-10-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"]
... I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

Russian peasant multiplication

2005-10-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Apparently Russian peasants used an interesting alternate algorithm for multiplication.

The algorithm is quite simple.

1. Write the two numbers that you are multiplying side by side.

2. Create a column under the number on the right. Each entry should be half of the entry above it, ignoring any fractional amounts (example: if the number 5 is the right column, the number below it should be 2), stopping when the number 1 appears.

3. Create a column under the number on the left. Each entry should be twice the entry above it. Stop when the left column has the same number of entries as the right column.

4. Cross out any number in the left column whose corresponding number in the right column is even.

5. Add the numbers in the left column which are not crossed out.

The number you find in step 5 is the product of the two numbers you started with!

Example:

So 32 x 25 = 800.

How it works...

How to fake fingerprints?

2005-10-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

In order to fake a fingerprint, one needs an original first. Latent fingerprints are nothing but fat and sweat on touched items. Thus to retrieve someone elses fingerprint (in this case the fingerprint you want to forge) one should rely on well tested forensic research methods. Which is what's to be explained here. (Figure 1).

Figure 1: Fat residue from fingerprint

A good source of originals for our counterfeits are glasses, doorknobs and glossy paper. The standard method of forensic research makes them visible: Sprinkling it with colored powder, which sticks to the fat (Figure 2).

Figure 2: Visualisation with graphite powder

Another solution involves Cyanoacrylat, the main ingredient of superglue. A small amount thereof is poured into a bottlecap, which is then turned upside down and put over the fingerprint. (Figure 3).

Figure 3: Visualisation with superglue

The Cyanoacrylat gasses out and reacts with the fat residue to a solid, white substance (Figure 4).

Figure 4: Print after Cyanacrylate processing

The further treatment involves scanning/photographing (Figure 5) and a bit of graphical refurbishment (Figure 6).

Figure 5: Digitalising the print

Figure 6: Brushing up the image of the print

The goal is to get an exact image of the fingerprint, for further use as mold, out of which the dummy is made. The easiest way is to print the image on a transparency slide (the ones normally used for an overhead projector) with a laser printer. The toner forms a relief, which is later used similar to letter press printing. Wood glue is suitable for producing the dummy (Figure 7)

Figure 7: Wood glue for the dummy

A small dash of glycerene may be used to optimize humidity and workability. After thorough mixing, the dummy gets coated with a thin layer of the compound (Figure 8,9).

Figure 8: Covering the dummy with wood glue

Figure 9: Glue layer on the printout

After the glue has dried (Figure 10), it is pulled off the foil (Figure 11) and is cut to finger size.

Figure 10: Hardened glue

Figure 11: Dummy, ready to use

Theatrical glue is used to glue the dummy onto the own finger (Figure 12).

Figure 12: The new identity is ready!

The new identity is ready!

Things to do when ordering a pizza by phone

2005-10-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

Use CB lingo where applicable.

Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

Answer their questions with questions.

In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST- EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.

Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's Master of Puppets" CD.

Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

Stutter on the letter "p."

Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

Ask what the order taker is wearing.

Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

Change your accent every three seconds.

................................. more

Worlds Longest Domian name

2005-10-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

Cant say anything more...
http://www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcd
efghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com/

Customer Care Excuse

2005-10-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

If you've often felt that the customer care always had a excuse for ur problems, this will explain why.

http://5chw4r7z.com/tech_support.html

Recursive News

2005-10-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

Microsoft(tm) - EULA

2005-10-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

http://images.linspire.com/MSLicense.swf

Crazy Thoughts

2005-10-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Do they put underwear on corpses?
Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?
If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise?
Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies?

If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

Is the vice president's wife called the second lady?

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time?

If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing?

Why does jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the scent virtually disappears?

Can a unborn baby fart or burp?

If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can run around the bases, does the home run count?

If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?

Gizmodo Japan: Auto door

2005-10-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

Cleanliness, efficiency, compactness, cool-factor… for a variety of reasons, automatic doors have become a standard feature of Japanese shops. While the typical sliding star-trek style design has proven itself, the tanaka auto door aims to improve upon a good concept. This new design entails strips equipped with infrared sensors that open to the approximate shape of the person or object passing through, minimizing entry of dust, pollen, and bugs while keeping precious air-conditioning in. The technology for the new design seems to be in it’s infancy, but Japan has proven once again that it’s a least 10 years ahead of everyone else.

The FBI has a new way of tracking terrorists.

2005-10-10T01:44:00.000-07:00

They are now able to see every click they make on the internet. Privacy advocates say this is bad, but the FBI says you will never even notice, and it won't affect the common man at all.
Happy Surfing!

http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes/

Response Time

2005-10-10T00:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.funnyjunk.com/p/response-jpg.html

Error - You have spent too much time on the net

2005-10-10T00:25:00.000-07:00

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable because you have overloaded the Internet. You may need to take a break from the web. Please go outside and play.

http://thecenter2000.com/last/

Quotes

2005-10-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in
a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall
people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four
people make up 75 percent of the population."
--David Letterman

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
--Lily Tomlin

Identifying Cities in India

2005-10-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along &
tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy
comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes
a software program to stop the fight. But the fight
doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy
comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like
all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and
call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB

Search....

2005-10-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Things That Only Happen In Movies

2005-10-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

Googled!

2005-10-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Searching for "french military victories"........

french military victories

How to keep an idiot busy...

2005-10-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Check it out for ur self ...... http://www.pagetutor.com/idiot/idiot.html

The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator

2005-10-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

This translator will take what you write in it and turn it into the manner a 12-year-old AOLer would write it. Type in what you want translated and then click the button.

Counter-Rotating Spirals Illusion

2005-10-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Check this illusion.....

Instructions for Viewing the Illusion:

Sit about 50 cm (20 inches) from the screen.
Look at the center of the spiral for about 20 seconds.
Look at something else, such as the brightly colored image on the right.
For a few seconds, whatever you look at will seem to squirm.
(Also try looking at the back of your hand.)

http://dogfeathers.com/java/spirals.html

Yankees....

2005-10-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

Senses Challenge

2005-10-02T04:52:00.000-07:00

Test ur senses.......
http://www.bbc.co.uk/...../senseschallenge/
Source : BBC

Please post ur scores....here......comment

Nokia 3250 - Turn Around

2005-10-02T01:12:00.000-07:00

The Smart Phone, Nokia 3250 stores up to 1 Gigabyte (approx 750 songs) of high quality music and offers 10 hours of music play.
It is based on the Series 60 platform and Symbian OS, and has a 2 Mega-Pixel camera for taking high resolution photos.

By twisting the Nokia 3250 keypad 180 degrees, you can toggle between the music controls and the phone keypad.

The music player of the Nokia 3250 supports a wide array of digital music formats such as MP3, WMA, M4A and AAC, making it easy to load and transfer music. Additionally, songs can be downloaded over-the-air while on the go and favourite songs can be set as ringtones. The Nokia 3250 supports microSD memory cards of up to 1 Gigabyte with storage capacity for up to 750 songs.

Networks which the phone supports are : GSM900 / GSM1800 / GSM1900

Maximum video resolution being 176 x 144 . Capturing it at 15 FPS ( frame per second )

Physical Specs:

Weight 115 g (including battery)
Dimensions 103 x 50 x 19.8 mm

Pictures:

Source : http://d3fi4nt.com/posts/nokia-3250

Bored?

2005-10-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Pass away the pointless hours with our list of things to do when you're bored

Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things your subconscious is trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?

See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.

Pretend to be a c

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

2005-09-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

.......funny

Do not Disturb

2005-09-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Poke at ur own risk...
http://www2.gamesville.lycos.com/html_poke/poke_penguin.htm

...told u

Do We Use Only 10% of Our Brain?

2005-09-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

Let me state this very clearly:

"There is no scientific evidence to suggest that we use only 10% of our brains."

In other words, the statement, "We use only 10% of our brains" is false; it's a myth. We use all of our brain. Let's look at the possible origins of this myth and the evidence that we use all of our brain.
...more

End Of Internet

2005-09-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking...how many pages are there.....inside the web
what if i finish reading all the pages

Maybe this is ur last page...or maybe this

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

Cheating Death(or Life)

2005-09-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Dhruv was talking about ending his life.
So as a friend i wanted to give him some ideas.
Great way to Cheat Life........here

http://people.freenet.de/schnubelken/bunnys/

Mission : Black Box

2005-09-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

DEEP in the basement of a dusty university library in Edinburgh lies a small black box, roughly the size of two cigarette packets side by side, that churns out random numbers in an endless stream.
At first glance it is an unremarkable piece of equipment. Encased in metal, it contains at its heart a microchip no more complex than the ones found in modern pocket calculators.
But, according to a growing band of top scientists, this box has quite extraordinary powers. It is, they claim, the 'eye' of a machine that appears capable of peering into the future and predicting major world events.
The machine apparently sensed the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Centre four hours before they happened - but in the fevered mood of conspiracy theories of the time, the claims were swiftly knocked back by sceptics. But last December, it also appeared to forewarn of the Asian tsunami just before the deep sea earthquake that precipitated the epic tragedy.

more....

Proof that girls are evil

2005-09-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

First we state that girls require time and money
Girls = Time * Money
NOw we know that "Time is Money"
Time = Money
Therefore :
Girls = (Money)^2
Also "Money is the root of evil"
(Money)^2 = Evil

And we are forced to conclude
GIRLS = EVIL

P.S : I hav no intention to offend the female sex here...its just a joke

Checker Shadow Illusion

2005-09-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

This fantastic illusion was created by Edward Adelson. Incredibly, both A and B are the same shade of grey. The illusion plays tricks on the mind partly thanks to the dark shadow contrast around B - but also due to the bright white background contrast near A.With some 'training', it is possible to see both A and B as the same shade, but otherwise you might want to import the picture into a paint package to prove it to yourself.

Quotes from Albert Einstein

2005-09-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
"The only real valuable thing is intuition."
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
"God is subtle but he is not malicious."
"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
"The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."

The Amazing Dots...

2005-09-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

Watch the X in the middle very closely. You will see the purple dots disappear.... but they haven't really gone. It is an after image effect - move your head slightly, and the dots will reappear... amazing or what?

Some Palindromes I found

2005-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

A PALINDROME is a word or sentence that reads the same backwards and forwards.

Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?

A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, maps, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana bag again (or a camel), a crepe, pins, Spam, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal, Panama!

Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen sinned.

A Toyota! Race fast, safe car. A Toyota!

Not for the Weak Eyes

2005-09-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

Illusion.....i think something is wrong with ur eyes

link : http://www.ritsumei.ac.jp/~akitaoka/rotate-e.html

Dedicated To Smokers

2005-09-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

This song is dedicated to all the smokers and dopers by Zeest the band(Pakistan) so let’s hit it.

http://rapidshare.de/files/4977810/sutta.wma.html

Lyrics: http://scribbles.indivibes.net/37/lyrics-of-bc-suttah-by-zeest courtesy :FRED

Passport Information

2005-09-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Get passport information of any country........

great site to get details of anyone and everyone
------------------>here<---------------------

Questions over Cloning

2005-09-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagreeabout something?

Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?

If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show,wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all lookforward to?

If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?

If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J.Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of usfind out?

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait,Henry IV part II?

If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to playwith himself as a child?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and"irregulars"?

Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?

Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the twotogether to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads,but that would still be way more normal.

Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers,create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme parkcalled Clonial Williamsburg?

also check this

British Rule in India - Just a Quote

2005-09-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

Lord McCauley in his speech of Feb 2, 1835, British Parliament "I have traveled across the length and breadth of India and I have not seen one person who is a beggar, who is a thief. Such wealth I have seen in this country, such high moral values, people of such caliber,that I do not think we would ever conquer this country, unless we break the very backbone of this nation, which is her spiritual and cultural heritage, and, therefore, I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system, her culture, for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self-esteem,their native self-culture and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation".

Casino Joke

2005-09-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."

Right Angle Sidewalk Chalk Art

2005-09-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

Right Angle Sidewalk Chalk Art - Believe it or not

Trick(y) Shot

2005-09-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

Chek this video...of trick shots

It's a miracle: mice regrow hearts

2005-09-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

SCIENTISTS have created "miracle mice" that can regenerate amputated limbs or damaged vital organs, making them able to recover from injuries that would kill or permanently disable normal animals.The experimental animals are unique among mammals in their ability to regrow their heart, toes, joints and tail.And when cells from the test mouse are injected into ordinary mice, they too acquire the ability to regenerate, the US-based researchers say.Their discoveries raise the prospect that humans could one day be given the ability to regenerate lost or damaged organs, opening up a new era in medicine.Details of the research will be presented next week at a scientific conference on ageing titled Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence, at Cambridge University in Britain

Tounge Eating Bug

2005-09-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

A gross creature which gobbles up a fish's tongue and then replaces it with its own body has been found in Britain for the first time.The bug - which has the scientific name cymothoa exigua - was discovered inside the mouth of a red snapper bought from a London fishmonger. The 3.5cm creature had grabbed onto the fish's tongue and slowly ate away at it until only a stub was left. It then latched onto the stub and became the fish's "replacement tongue".

MORE

Dont hide it from me

2005-09-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

Beat this -- a great engine

Tounge in a knot

2005-09-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch.

Cyborgname

2005-09-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

Get ur cyborg name and avatar....

http://www.cyborgname.com/

Bullshit Bingo

2005-09-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

Managment Meetings

Nothing

2005-09-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

nothing is in here :http://www.ryano.net/

Trivia

2005-09-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

in 1981 the first PC processor ran at 4.7 megahertz. That's 4,700,000 instructions per second. Now, 24 years later, chips run around a thousand times faster.

......You would have thought that was enough, but no........we now have dual-core processors - that is, two processor brains in one chip.

Adventure

2005-09-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

today i was on top of the world
......almost

..went exploring the hills near our college

Results just out

2005-09-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

All clear...616

Back again

2005-09-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

after 6 months...i got my net connection rolling

hopefully....i will be able to update frequently

Late........

2005-04-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

After about 2 years it published, I read Da Vinci Code. It was SUPERB

Rumors

2005-04-07T05:33:00.000-07:00

Latest rumor going around in our college is that the results are out

Mood : Nervous

Tailored

2005-04-06T03:17:00.000-07:00

Today i got my stitches removed......
.......Yes , i had an apendicitis operation last week

I am fine.

After thinking a lot.....

2005-04-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

........I hav decided to start bloging.
but the prob is i dont know what to log.

Humor

Pensive Avin

NaDa

Google Sets

Melanj '06

Avin Dev

Clumsy Crooks

FUNNY NEW STORIES

The People on the Playing Cards

Playing Card

Historical Personage

Hacking Las Vegas

History Of Internet

Shit Happens

Men's Rules (that women should know)

Procrastinator's Creed

~~~~VIRUSSSSSssssss~~~~

Funny ATC Quotes

Most Popular Pickup Lines

Russian peasant multiplication

How to fake fingerprints?

Things to do when ordering a pizza by phone

Worlds Longest Domian name

Customer Care Excuse

Recursive News

Microsoft(tm) - EULA

Crazy Thoughts

Gizmodo Japan: Auto door

The FBI has a new way of tracking terrorists.

Response Time

Error - You have spent too much time on the net

Quotes

Identifying Cities in India

Search....

Things That Only Happen In Movies

Googled!

How to keep an idiot busy...

The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator

Counter-Rotating Spirals Illusion

Instructions for Viewing the Illusion:

Yankees....

Senses Challenge

Nokia 3250 - Turn Around

Bored?

"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

Do not Disturb

Do We Use Only 10% of Our Brain?

End Of Internet

Cheating Death(or Life)

Mission : Black Box

Proof that girls are evil

Checker Shadow Illusion

Quotes from Albert Einstein

The Amazing Dots...

Some Palindromes I found

Not for the Weak Eyes

Dedicated To Smokers

Passport Information

Questions over Cloning

British Rule in India - Just a Quote

Casino Joke

Right Angle Sidewalk Chalk Art

Trick(y) Shot

It's a miracle: mice regrow hearts

Tounge Eating Bug

Dont hide it from me

Tounge in a knot

Cyborgname

Bullshit Bingo

Nothing

Trivia

Adventure

Results just out

Back again

Late........

Rumors

Tailored

After thinking a lot.....

VIRUSSSSSssssss